Today marks the anniversary of the Roe v. Wade decision. What a sad day in our nation's history. I have always had a soft spot in my heart for the abortion issue because it has always been my understanding that life begins at conception. And the termination of a pregnancy is a termination of a life.
Last year, at the DC March for Life I was exposed to dozens of stories of mothers & fathers who regretted their abortions. It had an extreme impact on me and really demonstrated the many more victims affected by this horrific Supreme Court decision.
Then more recently, I had a change of heart on the significance of motherhood.
MY EARLY PERSPECTIVE
I was raised to value the sanctity of human life and abortion was never an option (except possibly in the cases of rape and incest). Not much was said about birth control except abstinence was the best way to avoid pregnancy. Beyond that I never paid much attention to having children, since I wasn't married.
Then I got married.
I wanted children, so birth control was never a consideration. So, within the first six months I was blessed with the news of a double pink line: a baby!
AFTER BABY #1
After she was born, I was instructed to refrain from sexual intercourse for the first six weeks, but I needed to start thinking about whether or not I wanted to have another child right away.
In my fairy tale mind, I always thought it would be good to space the children apart...about two years was good. However I didn't feel comfortable with the idea of using contraceptives because it seemed so unnatural, so I stuck with what worked my whole single life. Abstinence. Of course, that didn't work very well for my marriage.
Within a few months I became pregnant again. Oops, I messed up in my counting. The timing couldn't have been worse. We had just moved, our old house wasn't ready to leave, our new house wasn't ready to move in, we moved in with my parents, I left my job, my husband left his business, we started a brand new business in a brand new industry, and I was majorly depressed. Not good timing at all.
AFTER BABY #2
After he was born, I had no problem with the doctor's orders to abstain. These children were 15 months apart. But then my allotted recovery time was over and my wifely duty was expected to kick back in. Again, I relied on the calendar, and goofed in my math. The big joke was how fertile I was.
I'd like to say we were excited about the double pink line this time, but I was in over my head with the two I already had. This was such bad timing. And to top it off my condition was frowned upon by my own mother. I was devastated. We didn't initially tell anybody else I was pregnant because frankly I didn't want to have to go through the same discouragement I felt after my mother's comments. We figured we'd just wait. It would be obvious soon enough.
After a few prenatal visits, there appeared to be a problem. My doctor could not hear a fetal heartbeat. I was told it could just be the position of the baby. So we scheduled another visit. Again, nothing. By this time, I was getting concerned. An ultrasound was scheduled.
My husband joined me for the sonogram. I saw the baby on the monitor. By this time I was a pro at pointing out certain features. Of course this was much earlier in the term than my previous tests, but I could see the heart. It was not beating.
Boy, for not wanting to be pregnant again at this early point in my marriage, the realization of that miscarriage was devastating. My husband consoled me, stating God had other plans. After the initial emotional shock, I was able to accept the fate of this child. But this experience made me treasure the miracle of the lives of my other children all the more.
AFTER BABY #3
Ten months later, after a very rocky road of counting, abstaining and giving in, we were greeted with the news of yet another double pink line. While my mother still made comments over the number of children I was having, I reminded her I had just as many as she did. The only difference was our age. By this time I was almost 38 years old. She was concerned about the health risks (understandably so). I was grateful we were blessed with another child. I came to appreciate every moment of this pregnancy.
During the final trimester God blessed us with a new church family. It was close to home, it met my need for spiritual growth and it was a very family-friendly environment. (The pastor had eight kids of his own.) This new-found appreciation for multiple children was so refreshing.
From the time he was born, he was cherished by all those around. I truly felt blessed by not only the miracle of life, but healthy, perfectly formed babies. Oh, how grateful I was.
AFTER BABY #4
As time passed, either my counting improved, my eggs got old or my abstinence grew, because I remained pregnant-free for more than a year, the longest stretch of time in my seven years of marriage. Unfortunately my anxiety level was going through the roof. I was so afraid of getting pregnant again.
I kept thinking of... having to start all over again, the growing health risks...and what would my mother think. I just could not bear the thought of having another child. Naturally, this put a strain on my marriage. Because I relied heavily on the most effective birth control method I knew.
Then God started working on my heart. Okay, maybe the work began long before, but I started recognizing that my having more children was not my decision to make. It was the Creator of mankind's.
You see, he ordained the institutions of marriage and family. His plan was for a man and woman to become one. It was His intention for us to be fruitful and multiply. He opens and closes wombs, and it is He who knits bodies together in a mother's womb.
My decision to methodically determine when not to meet my husband's needs, not only caused my marriage to suffer, I believe it grieved the heart of God. I was elevating myself to His level in attempting to orchestrate the blessing of conception, and this was so wrong.
I surrendered my will to His and stopped keeping track. I worked on becoming the best help meet God created me to be for my husband, and I left the miracle of life in His hands.
There was a point several months ago I thought I might have conceived. To say I was overjoyed would be a lie, but I wasn't dreading the possibility either. At that point my greatest inhibition was what my mother would say, but I figured God would help me through it.
It was a false alarm, but it caused my husband and I to talk about the possibilities, and it opened my mind to reconsider the sanctity of marriage and family and the sovereignty of God.
BIBLICAL PERSPECTIVE
"Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward." - Psalm 127:3 KJV
"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb." - Psalm 139:13 NIV
"My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth," - Psalm 139:15 NIV
"Your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." - Psalm 139:16 NIV
"Thy hands have made me and fashioned me: give me understanding, that I may learn thy commandments." - Psalm 119:73 KJV
"Know ye that the LORD he is God: it is he that hath made us, and not we ourselves; we are his people, and the sheep of his pasture." - Psalm 100:3 KJV
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." - Jeremiah 29:11 NIV
MY CURRENT PERSPECTIVE
I watched a DVD this past year called,
Fearfully and Wonderfully Made and it fascinated me to watch how miraculous conception really is. The path taken by the sperm to fertilize an egg and all of its obstacles. The cell division and DNA code kept in tact. Absolutely remarkable.
It was always my understanding that it was the mother and father's doing, creating new life. After all we are made in the image of God...we have the ability to procreate. But then I've come to realize even the animals and plant life can procreate. It is God who made us, not we ourselves. It is He who knits us together in our mothers' wombs. And all the days that were ordained for us were written before they came to be. God is God, and I am not.
With this new realization of the Creator's hand in the lives of my children, the severity of the choice to end that life
at any time is magnified.
God miraculously causes conception after the sexual union of a man and woman.
He uniquely fashions the child every step of the way in the womb.
He has plans to give us
hope and a future...all of us...every life He creates.
Who are we to snuff that life out...whether it be before
or after conception? God have mercy on us all.
EDIT 12/24/14: At the time of this writing I was really hurt by my mother's reaction to my getting pregnant so often. Her concern I believe was over my age...I was 34 with my first child. While it really was a cause for stress in my life at the time, I have forgiven her.
"Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy. Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the LORD your God. You shall not do any work, neither you, nor your son or daughter, nor your manservant or maidservant, nor your animals, nor the alien within your gates. For in six days the LORD made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and all that is in them, but he rested on the seventh day. Therefore the LORD blessed the Sabbath day and made it holy." - Exodus 20:8-11
